I don’t know, I don’t care, all I know is…*

I must get back on track, I’ve been (am?) so out of it at the moment, scary thing actually because no drugs/other mind enhancers, neither legal nor illegal, are involved, it’s all my own flipping shit. At least my lovely azaleas are alive still – myself, not so much, but it’s okay, I mean hey, I’m taking an exam today!! I can’t be that bad really, I even bought some antibacterial wound healing creme so you know, I’m taking splendid care of myself.

My physical head is doing some wacko shit, electrolyte imbalance is what they call it I guess, but that’s the trade-off… not that it is helping any, I’m running out of clothes to hide my disgustingly pudgy body. Stretchy pants and ridiculously large sweaters it is then, and I’m so glad I purchased that second pair. I swear I  am the ugliest creature on this planet. (Even applied a paper bag make-up today woot! So as not to be arrested by the ugly person police/be able to leave the house and feel as if I’d at least made an effort to look presentable.)

In the course of the week I managed to displace my glasses. Yes, don’t ask how this is even possible with an item I should be wearing 24/7 – not that I needed it much while hibernating (heck yeah,  euphemisms!), I don’t even remember when I saw them last, at least I can be fairly sure that they’re somewhere around my flat… it’s driving me slightly insane though. Same with my online banking PIN and ID, simply can’t find the darn piece of paper where it’s scribbled on! This is worse than it may sound as I haven’t done a manual transaction in my life, so when I tried it I came across problems like too few red transaction slips at the bank (who thinks of that? Caught me by surprise…)

Rambling on… I’m in the no fucks given stage and just pathetic (and cynic. Yumm.). My thoughts are going a billion RPM so again I’m talking to myself. More angsty tweenage shit from inside the cavern I’ve built of blankets except today I’m at the library.

I should tell my therapist about all this but I’m so fucking unbelievably rational there, I’m afraid I won’t be believed I guess? I’m trying to work on the underlying issues there and hope that once that is somewhat sorted the symptoms will vanish as well, I don’t believe/have not experienced yet that anyone is able to alleviate symptoms while I’m entirely submerged in them. (especially not with calming imaginary type exercises, brrr).

SO if anyone’s asking or per chance even crossing my way I’m totally fine. (((: triple smiley face! (or just a portrait of myself – three fat chins, you know).

Oh yes, not to forget I’m in a slightly paranoid state so every whisper, giggle, laughter, finger point, is about me (in a negative way). Self. Conscious. The library is a hellish place to be.

Whoa, I wrote all this on my phone. Yiss! Fucking. Bread. Crumbs.

* Oasis . Slide Away (yes, srsly digging out the Oasis! Last week I overheard some Beady Eye whilst shopping, weird feeling. There’s only one fan I know.)